Salam..
The other time when i went for iFast! camp, there was a huge debate going on regarding dating during Ramadhan. So dating is not encourage in Ramadhan but isnt it haram all the while??? I had this debate with this lad and afterwards,a debrief session by this brother that some uztaz actually said dating is okay.. with boundaries.. since its the modern times, etc etc.. I find that ure compromising.. isnt it?? I was so shocked when said that! but tried to kept my cool. Then another brother said that if one follows the hadeeth strictly dating is haraam. As usual i dont have the courage to voice out that the Quran pointed this out since i cant remember the exact ayat. So yeah was surfing turntoislam.com and found this:
Temptations Towards the Opposite Sex and Solutions
Dear Concerned,Assalamualaikum Due to dire necessity and over-emphasized importance of the following topic, a panel of ulema have dedicated a special program for our fellows examining this matter. They share the gist of their findings for everyone's benefit.[With respect to political correctness in gender, "girls" were mentioned due to the perspective of "boys," who participated in the program. It's understood that the reverse is true for girls also.]
Note: I am sharing something that has been shared with me, and i feel its worthy to be discussed, as the rate of premarital relations is on the rise even amongst muslims.
And trust me, as I am slowly posting this information by contemplating on it, it also helps me increase my TAQWA. May allah subh. help us follow the path that leads to Jannah... aameen..
"Analysis of Our Temptations Toward Girls and Its Solution"
1. PROBLEM/REALITY:- It's a natural tendency to be attracted; it's an undeniable fact- it's always bad, but specially in summer, it's worse- going back to homeland won't help because the same problem exists there too- the most difficult thing to control is "imagination"- exposing dress is a problem everywhere: billboards, ads etc.- peer pressure is tough to resist- married ones are also susceptible to fall short
2. POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:
2.1 GENERAL
- lower your gaze (every time, everywhere)
- always remember Allaah-
-consciously; remember death and the life after it
- busy yourself with good activities/learning
- increase Islamic knowledge, thereby have stronger conviction
- know the proper etiquettes and limits of communication with opposite gender
- know about this friend
-like enemy of yours: shaytaan you've gotta fight him till the last breath
- keep in mind that in order to find someone with piety/good character, you must be the same
- openly discuss with parents/trusted elders regarding these issues
- watch out for friends who are crossing the line (be bold and firm)
- avoid all songs/dramas/movies/novels that MAY provoke such feelings
- avoid TV totally if possible, otherwise watch together with good folks
- use the internet cautiously: block pop-ups, stay focused,place the computer where others can see
- perform the 5 daily prayers: on time, with full concentration
- perform extra fasting if needed
- don't put yourself in a test: simply avoid any testing of your character
2.2 IN SCHOOLS/COLLEGES
- from the very first day, present yourself as a good Muslim
- sit in the first row; sit besides boys (if ure a boy)
- try hard to have a lab/study partner of the same gender
- have the contact info. of a boy in case you miss a class
- if missing notes, ask from boys; if not, ask directly from the instructor
-with educational interest, you may look at your teacher of opposite gender,but in case any other feelings arise, you must lower your gaze
- don't make a negative impression of Islam if you wear a cap, for God's sake,don't hang around with girls
2.3 MARRIAGE
- plan what kind of girl to marry (to have a fixed vision/concentration)
- engagement is NOT marriage, both parties are still strangers until actual marriage
- getting engaged earlier may help, but it may create even more problems,making it difficult for both parties to stay within the limit
- marry at the earliest possible age--whenever one is ready in all aspects-
physical + mental + financial abilities are necessary in order to marry- don't fantasize about love, think about RESPONSIBILITY as well
- if two spouses are in two different places, unite as soon as possible- don't let often-seen dramatic movies/stories blind you, life is real,so face it with courage, wisdom and conviction
- Last but not least, always ask Allaah to guide you to the right path!
Watch out for the Arrow!Sent by Abumubarak to ummah forum
The furtive glance is one of the poisoned arrows of Shaytan, on him be God's curse.
Whoever forsakes it for the fear of Allah, will receive from Him (Great and Gracious is He) a faith, the sweetness of which he will find within his heart. (al-Haakim.)
Therefore, a secret lustful look at a person of opposite gender has been compared by the Prophet (pbuh) to an arrow from Shaytan that:
1. poisons our hearts
2. ruins our intentions
3. gives rise to false hopes and desires
4. distorts our perception of 'reality'
5. deprives us from enjoying and concentrating in Prayers
6. gives rise to constant feeling of guilt and depression
7. sometimes leads to sleepless nights
8. renders our heart weak for continuous Shaytanic attacks
9. promotes hypocrisy
10. weakens our memory
11. eventually leads to Zina (adultery)
12. above all, diminishes our love for and fear of AllahAllah commands us:
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts; that will make for greater purity for them..." [24:30.]
In the verse following this one, Allah commands the believing women in the similar manner.
5 Secret Benefits Of Jihad Against Temptation
1. Perhaps the greatest secret reward of resisting the temptation is the increase in your Faith (Iman), the sweetness of which could only be sensed by you! This empowering force of renewed Iman will help you suppress the desires in unimaginable ways.
2. Right when you are urged, if you remember Allah’s mercy, commandments, and displeasure, He will make it easy for you to get out of the situation without regrets, stress, or pain. Allah reassures us: “And the one who fears Allah (has Taqwa), He will make a way out.” [65: 2.]
3. It will also have a remarkable impact on your character, since the heart is like a mirror and the base desires are like rust upon it. When the mirror is polished and cleansed of the rust, it reflects the realities as they actually are. Your family and friends will see the difference!
4. Frequent gazing at unlawful scenes of sexuality tire and wear down both the heart and the eyes. The heart becomes “bored” and depressed after a while. However, when your eyes are prevented from looking around, the heart finds relief from the arduous task of vainly desiring something it does not possess.
5. As the Prophet (pbuh) once said to his Companion:”By Allah! Whosoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better than it!" If you remain patient in this world, Allah will bless you with joys in ways you could never imagine!
18 Ways To Survive In Temptation Island !
Yes, it’s hard, especially when you’re constantly bombarded with obscene images: that hot, scantily clad guy or gal in the magazine luring you; or the persistent emphasis on sex in the movies (even Toy Story or Spider Man!); or the pervasive links to ****ography while you may simply be checking your e-mail.
How can you protect yourself from all of this?
1. Don't forget the power of Allah’s Remembrance (Dhikr)! It is the most powerful of all the defenses. Regular reading of prescribed Du'as will develop your Taqwa (consciousness) and keep you mindful of what thoughts you entertain.
2. Remember your Accountability to Allah. In Islam, you're fully accountable as soon as you understand and feel such temptations. Your eyes will testify about what you looked at on the Day of Judgment.
3. Always walk with your gaze lowered. But make sure not to bump into a hydro post! Lowering the gaze does not mean that you cannot have any “eye contact” as you walk or during a conversation. It means that you keep your eyes under control.
4. Take the Right Seat! In a public place (e.g. café), choose a seat that minimizes your view-
frame and avoid mixed-crowds. It is precisely about such comfortable gazing at the attractive features of the passers-by that the Prophet (pbuh) advised 'Ali ibn Abi Talib: "Ali, do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second.''(Ahmad, Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi.)
5. Hangout with those known for noble character and modesty. When you are around good people, they can remind you to abstain from that which Allah dislikes. As the Prophet (pbuh) said, “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friends, so be careful about who you make your friend.”(Ahmad.)
6. Avoid friends that are into immoral movies, music, dirty jokes etc. Such activities are the tools of Shaytan that promote the idea of “love based on looks” or “love at first sight”.
Such friends would take you into an artificial world of fantasies and false hopes, away from reality, before it’s too late! Therefore, either you help your friends change through gentle advice, or abandon frequent contact with them.
As Allah warns us: "If anyone withdraws himself from Allah's remembrance, Most Gracious, We appoint for him an evil one to be his intimate companion." [43: 36.]
7. Avoid visiting malls and parks alone. Always try to go out with a family member or a good friend, whose company may help you avert your eyes from the objectionable billboards and inappropriately clothed people. In summer, step out only when you have to.
8. Surf or Watch TV when others are around. The temptation to sneak a look at dirty pictures is heightened when you're alone in your room watching TV or surfing the internet. Shaytan’s primary target is always a lonely person! Try to avoid late night TV and internet surfing.
9. Never have 'nothing to do'! Shaytan loves 'bored and idle' people. If you are feeling bored, do the dishes, or take out the garbage, or read some book. Allah says, "Do not throw yourself into destruction with your own hands." [2: 195.]
10. Volunteer for Islamic Organizations. Your Jihad against immorality in the society is one reason for you to join Muslim youth groups in your community. Your involvement with such activities, along with the love of helpful brothers or sisters struggling for a good cause, will keep your mind, energies, and thoughts focused away from the Haram.
11. Read, Read, and Read! Yes, read as many Islamic books and articles as possible. Reading keeps your mind and eyes busy! It keeps you motivated to live your Islam and strengthens your relationship with Allah.
12. Always remember that the beauty of this world is temporary and the life hereafter is everlasting.
13. Observe voluntary fast to strengthen your willpower and to cool your passions. The Prophet (pbuh) strongly recommended the youth to make it a habit.
14. If you are able and responsible then get married for the sake of Allah. It may be one of the most effective, yet challenging, defense mechanisms against such temptations.
15. For Brothers, remember your Mom and Sister. Disgusting right? Exactly! No sane person would look at his mom or sister the way many of us examine the girls on TV shows or stare at our Muslim sisters in social gatherings. This thought should sicken you enough to stop, Insha-Allah.
16.Remind yourself of the Death and Hereafter often. "Remember often the terminator (or destroyer) of all the pleasures [i.e. death]," the Prophet (pbuh) once reminded us. (at-Tirmidhi.)
17. Increase your Good Actions. Try following the advice of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Remain conscious of Allah and fear Him wherever you are. And follow a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards people.” (at-Tirmidhi.)
18. Repent and Return to Allah. Allah is All-forgiving and loves those who return to Him, promising not to repeat their sins. “Ask forgiveness from your Lord, then turn towards Him in repentance; He will loosen the sky over you in abundance, and He will add strength unto your strength.” [11: 52].
FiamanAllah,
Your brother in islam,
Omair Shafiuddin Ahmed.
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This world is a difficult journeyAn obstacle to overcome,Especially in the place we live in,Not everyday is bright and fun.The righteous salaf were as fearful of their good deeds being squandered, or not being accepted, as the present generation is certain that their neglect would be forgiven. [Hasan Al-Basri]
Salaam,
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