No Boyfriend? Read This.

In the Name of Allah, Most Loving, Most Kind

NO BOYFRIEND??!!!

Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me, "Don't you have a boyfriend?" My answer was direct, "I'm against dating." Yes I am. I am against having a boyfriend. Ha-ha strange isn't it? In the year 2007, a girl who grew up in cosmopolitan Singapore ,who goes to a secular government school saying that. And he asked again," So, how are you going to get married?" I stumbled at that question. I know the answer to that but somehow I couldn’t put it in proper words.

It all goes back a year or two ago when I was going through my self-conflict phase. I would cry my eyes out to think that I was such a loser, such an ugly girl who cannot afford to have a boyfriend. That I'm going to grow into an old spinster with twenty cats living with me. I mean the pressure of to have a relationship outside marriage was HUGE. Come on, 99% of my friend have/had boyfriends. While I have never been out on a date (this doesn’t count the dumb blind date that I had when I was in sec 1). The media, the friends, the teachers. Everyone was into dating. This dampens my self esteem. Yeah. It obvious. I thought to myself. It's how I look and my personality sux. Flat nose. Pimples. Fat. Bad hair. Lopsided face. I was finding fault in myself. And I wasn’t imagining. I've a few people coming up saying that I'm not pretty , that I look like a guy, that I need to go for an extreme makeover, , that my face is a challenge (what the heck?). They would make fun how my nose is. Flat with pimples that doesn’t seem to go away. So it really affected me. When I looked at the mirror, I said to myself," Amirah, YOU ARE THE EPITOME OF GROTESQUE" and then I cry and cry and cry. To makes matters worse, my friends burnt me song AT SEVENTEEN by Janis Ian on my 17th birthday. I know they don't mean any harm since they have probably never heard of that song. I guess that song should be banned for making girls feel bad about themselves. So the lyrics goes like this,

I learnt the truth at 17, That love was meant for beauty queens and high sch girls with clear skin smile married young and then retire ..
And those of us with ravage faces, lacking in the social graces, desperately remains at home. Imagine lovers on the phone ..

Yeah. So who wouldn’t feel depress after hearing that song. I am the girl described in the song. Except that I wont imagine lovers on the phone. Ha-ha. And every time, whenever I'm in the Self Pity mode I keep saying to myself that I'm such a loser. Now, in retrospect, I was being very silly. Why do I need to get attention from another human being? Why did I want to be in a situation that’s forbidden by Allah. Satan has clouded my mind definitely. Forbidden things is showed as sweet, saccharine and pleasurable.
So this self pity thing goes for quite a some time. Than it strikes me, if I want to be beautiful I have to start from within. And the person who loves me will love me because of who I am not because of what I am. So the detoxing of body, mind and soul began.

When my sister came to Singapore for a visit, she brought a CD by Sheikh Mokhtar Al-Maghroui, the Opposite Gender: How Close is too Close? And I listened to it. As said by the Prophet (s.a.w) ,
The look at the opposite gender is an arrow of the arrows of Iblees . Looking at a non-mahram is like being stricken by an arrow. And you bleed. (when that was said that I thought of the cupid). And whosoever refrains from that look Allah will put in his heart sweetness of Imaan . 1st look is for you, means that the inadvertent look, just happened look InsyaAllah, Allah out of his Rahmah for his Ummah will not held us accountable in the Day of Judgement. Allah does not want anything that benefits him. Anything that Allah commands and forbids are for our own good and there's a lot of examples to prove. (ya Allah, I need to work on this)

Quran-An Nur-24:30-31
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what they do.
And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent , and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islâm), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allâh to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful."

After much pondering and contemplation I was very grateful to Allah that he made me this way. My lack of beauty are indeed a blessing. I have been protected by Allah. Alhamdulillah! Then I think again, having a boyfriend is like is having a package with a string of sins. So a few days after listening to the CD, my sis and I had a discussion (while she was cooking dinner for us). She asked me what I think about boyfriends. She told me her point of view and I told her mine. I told her that having a boyfriend is like a package with a string of sins because in the first place non mahram are not suppose to be together. And of course what's the real reason to have a gf or bf? In most cases, having a gf/bf is to 'experiment' with one another. Even holding hands as seen in today's society as a mild gesture is certainly not permissible in Islam. Seriously. And that there is no grace from Allah in such relationships. And thru marriage only will Allah sends his blessings. With that we are not only protecting our hearts but also the hearts of brothers.

So yeah. When I'm mentally, emotionally and financially prepared than I will look for a husband(definitely not now). No boyfriends for me. If someone do get interested in me(I'm not sure that guys would be interested in me), then its time to be serious. Ask for my hand in marriage and we'll see how it goes.

This is NOT an attack to those in a relationship. You may disagree with me a whole lot. This is indeed a controversial subject. But this is my opinion and it did take me sometime to think this through. I'm no scholar to say such and such things but yeah, InsyaAllah. This is a definitely a reminder to myself that I have made a covenant to Allah. Just ponder and contemplate.

Ya Allah, please guide us all to the straight path. Ya Allah please forgive my sins and the sins or the brothers and sisters in Islam. Ya Allah, shield us from the major and minor sins. Ya Allah protect me from the evil whispers. Ya Allah, let my future husband be the one with Imaan and Taqwa. Ya Allah let my future husband love me be the one who loves me for who I am. Ya Allah let my husband be the one who can guide me to be a better Muslim. Ya Allah, please let my husband be the one who loves me because he loves You. For You ya Allah, You are my true Lover.

Ameen. Ya rabbal 'alamin. (Allahumasoli'alah Muhammad wa 'ala alihi Muhammad)


http://muttaqun.com/gaze.html<-- for more info